Bacon Day
by Matthew's Muse
Summary: Valentine's Day was never Hermione's favorite holiday. To think it was about to get much, much worse. HGDM
1. Chapter 1

**Hi Everybody. This is a fun little romp with our favorite ships. **

**I don't own them.**

Bacon Day: Chapter One

Damn him, thought Hermione.

Damn him to hell.

She threw another lemon drop in her mouth in a pathetic effort to soothe her rather hostile thoughts. She hadn't noticed how addicting they were, lemon drops. No wonder that old bat popped them like medicine. She supposed they were, to him.

This was beside the point. The point was her life was now ruined.

Completely and utterly.

This particular Saturday had started very early for Hermione, who, for some reason, couldn't remember anything before today. This particular Saturday started something like so.

"Hermione!"

"Meh...g'way..." She swatted at the obnoxious voice.

In vain. "Hermione! Get up! Harry's gone!"

Ooh. Okay. That's worth it.

"What?" Hermione shot straight up and out of the lovely dream she was having about Viktor Krum and his toned-

Virginia Weasley thumped her fists against her hips and glared quite successfully at the flustered teen. "Mr. Krum can wait, we have an emergency!"

Hermione wondered how Ginny knew whom she was dreaming about, but promptly got her priorities straight.

"Alright Ginny, just tell me what happened." Hermione sat up and watched as the redhead took in a deep breath and relaxed her tense muscles. She still held up her wand in a 'lumos' spell. Still dark. What time was it?

"Well, me and Harry we were up in the Astrology tower ...stargazing ..." Hermione quirked an eyebrow. "Alright, okay, running headlong toward third base, when all of the sudden he disappears! All that's left was this note. And oh, Hermione, what if it was You-Know-Who?"

Hermione pursed her lips. "Like how did he disappear? Was it like apparating, or a 'poof'...?"

"There was smoke everywhere, and I tried to call out to him, but all I heard was his muffled voice and then a weird thunk, like he was hit on the head with something." Ginny was wringing her night-dress nervously. Her rather...vulgar nightdress.

"Let me see the note." Hermione received it, opened it, and had to try her hardest to hold in a snort. "If you want your precious Potter back, be in the dungeons, wearing only black. At 5:00 a.m., and do be prompt, it better be a dress, or you will be stopped. I look forward to knowing you better, young lady."

Beside it being the worst poetry she'd ever read, it was in the worst handwriting she'd ever encountered. Handwriting she could recognize in the dark at four in the morning, which she assumed it was.

"Ginny, this is very important. You can't tell anyone about this, not even Dumbledore." Ginny nodded furiously, but her fear was nearly dripping off of her. "Just go down to the dungeons like it says, and do whatever this person asks of you. If you don't, who knows what he'll do to Harry. Now go! Hurry!" Hermione shooed her out of the room.

After the shock of red hair had left, Hermione put on some slippers and went down the stairs slowly afterward, running a hand through her insane hair. She blinked through a yawn, and scanned the Gryffindor common room.

"Neville? Are you in here?" She called out softly, not really wanting to wake the rest of the house. She'd be lucky if Ginny only woke Hermione with her rantings.

A small squeak to her left indicated that he was, in fact, here.

"Come on out and explain to me what in the blazes is going on." No movement. "I won't tell anybody. Pinky-swear."

A rustle of robes and a thump later, Neville Longbottom emerged from underneath the trophy case looking appropriately guilty.

"What's going on." Not a question. A demand.

"H-Harry overheard Ginny talking about... fantasies... and he thought that maybe he could-"

Hermione quickly held up a hand to her mouth. To hold in the vomit. "Thank you, that's quite enough." Good lord, that was...dirty. Despicable. Not something that usually strikes Harry as a good idea.

"Why? I mean, was this whole, I'll lead her into the dungeon for erotic S&M fantasies completely random? Because if it is, I'm going to seriously have to reconsider Harry as a sane human being."

For the first time in history, Neville looked at Hermione like she was a complete idiot. "It's Valentines Day, Hermione."

Several things ran through her head at that moment, most of them having nothing to do with Harry, and she settled on saying something most appropriate.

"Ah, bugger."

When Hermione entered the Great Hall she found to her distinct relief that neither Harry nor Ginny were at the table yet. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to hold in her breakfast if she had to think about whatever they did last night. She shivered.

"Hey Ron." She greeted congenially and started to fill her plate with bacon. She loved bacon day.

Ron was looking a bit more like a demented carrot than usual. "H-Hey Hermione."

Hermione passed him a strange look before filling her glass with orange juice. A demented carrot with a stutter. Although, she was quite pleased with the way her drink matched her friend's face. What was going on today?

"Have the owls come yet?" It was a safe question. Let's start with easy things this morning.

This caused Ron to choke. "Nope nope. No owls. No valentines yet, I mean-" His napkin was mangled between his two oversized hands underneath the table.

"Okay, okay." Hermione's face darkened at the word Valentine. So that's what was wrong. Ron was worried about some Valentine. "Sorry I asked."

"Everyone! May I please steal your attention from today's breakfast! I know you're excited about bacon day." Dumbledore's bony hands raised up and instantly the Great Hall quieted. He looked appropriately pleased. Hermione put down her piece of bacon reluctantly.

"You might have noticed that your owls have not deposited your mail this morning. Or you might not have noticed. Whatever the case, I'd like to inform you that letters will be received tonight, due to Ministry mail tracking...well, experiments, shall we say." Moans of protest due to failed Valentine's plans immediately sounded from the Great Hall. "Yes, yes, I realize that there were potentially life-altering messages withheld by those owls, so I'm proposing..."

Hermione crunched her bacon loudly during the dramatic pause.

"A school-wide slumber party!" Dumbledore smiled like the senile old bat he was and watched as utter chaos erupted... from the staff table.

"Albus, you cannot do that! They'll kill each other!" Professor McGonagall insisted.

"I quite agree, Headmaster. You've finally gone out of your mind." Severus sipped his coffee. "About damn time, too."

"Well I think it's a wonderful idea! What a way to get inter-house relationships back up to where they should be!"

"Flitwik, for once in your optimistic life, shut up!" This was from McGonagall.

Ron looked at Hermione, and it seemed that for a moment he'd forgotten to hold up his demented carrot act. "That's brilliant! We'll be able to spend the whole night together!" Then it seemed that it was too good to last, and Ron descended into a reddened fit of coughs and embarrassed laughs.

Hermione rolled her eyes. She'd had just about enough of Valentine's Day, and it was only 8:14 a.m.

Dumbledore raised his hands again and obediently the Great Hall was silent. The effect was a little more reluctant this time.

"It will be held here, in the Great Hall. Of course, today I am employing Flitwick to help with expanding the room to accommodate everyone. So naturally, your Charms class for today is cancelled."

"What? But the fifth-years ha-"

"And I'll be needing Severus to prepare drinks for everyone, so Potions class will have to be cancelled too."

The whole room gave a cheer, and probably for the first time in Hogwarts history the whole school was in agreement.

Actually, Hermione knew for a fact that it was the first time in Hogwarts history.

"That's bloody fantastic!" Came a new voice directly behind Hermione. She turned to see Harry, and she let out a scream.

"What? What's wrong Hermione?" Harry dashed to her side.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "Bad... visuals..." She couldn't look at him for a moment.

Ginny had chosen that moment to sit down as well. She was glowing like an electric light parade, and anyone in their right mind could figure out why. Luckily, Ron was nowhere near being in his right mind, so Ginny was safe. Or rather, Harry was safe.

"Bugger. I didn't have either of those classes today anyway."

She and Harry looked distinctly upset, and as they talked about when they would meet next Hermione gazed at her bacon forlornly. There was no way she'd be eating anything now.

"So, with that said, I believe it's time for you all to go off to class now." Dumbledore spoke over his battling staff, and few of which were wielding their buttered toast and blueberry muffins like weapons of warfare, glaring maliciously at Dumbledore. He chose not to notice.

"Have a marvelous Valentine's Day!"

**Review Please! )**

**Matt**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm throwing in chapter two for free!**

Draco Malfoy was having a somewhat similar time at the Slytherin table

Draco Malfoy was having a somewhat similar time at the Slytherin table. Those horny rabbits he called friends were divvying out time slots for the potions and charms classrooms today at 5 galleons an hour. What buyers did with the room was up to them.

Nasty buggers.

Pansy had been hanging over his shoulder for about 20 minutes now, dying to say something. It wasn't until her drool became dangerously close to his Italian imported designer cloak that he decided to do anything. Never mind the fact Pansy had given him the cloak in the hopes he'd be her Valentine… Oh! Oh, that's what she wants. He never answered her, did he?

"No."

"Noooo!!" Pansy wailed, and ran out of the Great Hall awkwardly in her heels. "You'll pay for this Malfoy!"

"She's like… she's like fungus. Or, some horrible disease." Blaise said from just behind Draco, pondering Pansy as she hobbled away. "Like Syphillis."

Draco said nothing, only buried his head in his hands.

"Come on man, today can't be all bad. You got a nice new set of robes, about 34 love letters already in your room, and plenty more to come tonight… what's your problem? You should be having a great day."

Draco said nothing.

"Oh no. You're going to say something like "But I haven't found the ONE Blaise…" aren't you? Some lovesick rubbish about destiny and hearts and sparkly things." Blasie chuckled. "I always knew you'd go soft on me, you-"

And that's when Draco turned around and threw up on Blaise's shoes.

Goyle took that moment to point and laugh.

"If you hadn't gone through all that fairy bullcrap I probably would have made it through breakfast Blaise. Thanks. Thanks a lot."

As Blaise was finishing up his Scourgify, he noticed Draco did look a bit peaky. "That's all you had to say man. You felt sick. Although the puke was a nice touch."

Draco smiled for the first time that morning. "I thought it was more genuine that way."

Hermione walked out of the Great Hall with a sense of dread that she couldn't seem to shake. It also came with a sense of nausea from having to watch couples with cancelled classes walk around wrapped completely around each other. It was a wonder, really, how they managed that sort of thing. Hermione figured that if they'd spent the brains they used on the ability to snog and walk simultaneously on things like... homework, their grades would skyrocket.

Hermione had never needed that particular snog/walk skill. And she also liked to pretend that she was okay with that.

Merlin, she hated Valentine's Day.

"Hermione! Wait up!" Hermione stopped her break-neck pace down the hallway to allow Harry to catch up. It took some work, but she was able to look him in the eye again.

"I just wanted to know if you were okay. You seemed a little tense at breakfast."

Hermione graced him with a skeptical look. Harry caved.

"Okay, fine. I want to know everything you know. Neville told you, didn't he?"

"Unfortunately, I figured it out. And I'd like for you to know that I won't be able to sleep for weeks with those particular mental images." Hermione crossed her arms.

Harry had the decency to blush. "Right. So you know then. Just...let's keep this quiet. Please?"

Hermione's expression softened for the first time since Ginny woke her that morning. "Of course not, Harry. I'm not completely dense. I wouldn't do that to you, especially when people like Malfoy exist."

The relieved look on Harry's face was enough to melt Hermione's hardened heart and he hugged her gratefully. "Thank you, love. You're fantastic."

As Harry walked off, the euphoria that had consumed her temporarily faded, and once again Hermione found herself bitter. Bitter about not having someone call her 'love' and follow it with kisses. Bitter about not getting hugs like those on a regular basis from someone who cared about her. She hated it.

So, she did what most bitter people would in this situation. She squared her shoulders and resumed her stomping. She needed chocolate.

Sadly, she stomped right into Draco Malfoy. And by the way he was cursing colorfully, this was nowhere near being a good thing.

Hermione regained her composure from the encounter first. "Don't use up your whole vocabulary on my account, Malfoy," she spat, "Oh, too late."

Draco had finished cursing, and graced Hermione with one of his nastier looks. "You are, as always, the last person I wanted to see, since your filth never ceases to disgust me. Thank you, Granger, for making this wretched day complete."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Quite the charmer today, I see. What happened? Pansy complained about the goods?"

If Draco was surprised at her brash comment he didn't show it. "Please, that would never happen." He dismissed absently.

Hermione was about to shrug and walk off, but Draco very suddenly looked directly into her eyes. She quirked an eyebrow. "As much as it pains me to ask, is there something the matter, Malfoy?"

Draco still held her gaze, expressionless, and Hermione began to feel unsure of this whole situation. Draco, without blinking, it seemed, walked toward her slowly, taking calculated steps. He leaned forward well until their faces were only a few breaths away.

Draco fixed a questioning expression on his face as though it were a very difficult thing to do. Hermione supposed, for him, it was. "Granger? Is that you?"

Several comments ran through Hermione's head at this moment, but she decided that this wasn't something she needed today. This wasn't something she needed ever.

"Idiot." She muttered and turned on one heel, fully prepared to walk off dramatically. Had she been successful, she was sure her cloak would have swooshed dramatically. It appeared, however, that Draco had other plans.

"Granger." He growled, his lips dangerously close to hers. She could feel his now-ragged breaths against her nose and chin, and goosebumps ran down her arms.

What the...?

"Malfoy, if you don't unhand me and walk away, I will make sure you suffer deeply." She dared to lean a bit closer. "That is a promise."

Whatever she did, it worked. He shook his head as he eased up his hold on her and took a few unsteady steps backward. After shaking his head and heaving a sigh, he straightened up to his usual proud stance.

"I hate this bloody holiday." Was all Hermione got for her trouble.

As Draco walked away, Hermione replayed the events in her mind, searching her encyclopedia of a mind for an explanation. Halfway through her evaluation a chocolate flying candy gram smacked itself into Hermione's face. Nasty.

As she peeled it off, two things ran through her mind. One, it appeared that Malfoy hated the day as much as she did, which she considered odd. Two… this obnoxious flying chocolate was pretty good.

She decided that since she literally had no classes today, she would spend it trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with Malfoy. She had nothing better to do, and after acting so strange just now, she was sure that there would be juicy blackmail material involved if she kept going. That alone was motivation enough.

Hermione barged into the common room, and was heading toward Harry's dorm room to get the Maurader's Map. If she was going to go on this little mission, she would need to employ every resource she had.

Okay, maybe she didn't need to go that far, but it sure as hell would keep her mind of the red idiot that had begun to follow her the moment she stepped foot in the common room. She could only pretend that Ron didn't exist for so long.

"Ron, are you okay? You seem a little preoccupied today." Hermione stopped and whirled around.

Ron looked shocked and his composure was instantly lost. Hermione wondered if he really thought he was being sneaky enough to not be noticed.

"I...fine...I'm good, yes." Ron's eyes flitted around nervously, looking everywhere but at Hermione. "Mmm, good bacon?" He gave a smile with the last comment.

Hermione deadpanned. "I need to go now, Ron. Please get normal soon." She patted him on the shoulder encouragingly and resumed stomping up the boy's dormitory stairs.

She could hear a distant thump, which told her that Ron had managed to faint. As she solemnly swore that she was up to no good, she figured some obsessive fourth year had slipped him some love potion in hopes of having a good Valentine's Day. She wondered if the fourth year had any idea of how annoying they made Ron become. She then decided that later, after this blasted day was done with, she would exact her revenge.

For now, Hermione needed to figure out why Malfoy was in the upstairs girls bathroom.

**Review again! D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi, thanks for the lovely reviews! Much much appreciated!**

Draco had been in the bathroom not two minutes and already he wanted to scream.

"What do you know, you clap-having Jezebel?" Draco Malfoy attempted to slam Moaning Myrtle into the wall, but only succeeded in looking like a complete idiot.

"Such words Mr. Malfoy, I thought we had an agreement. Don't you like me?" Her cries were like sharpened quills going though his eyes. He needed to get an answer out of this damned ghost.

"I'd like you a whole lot more if you told me what was going on." He said through clenched teeth, knowing the only way through the permanently adolescent ghost was to pretend he had a crush on her and go on with his life.

It just didn't help that the only thing in his life was apparently Hermione Granger.

At the thought, Draco ran to the nearest toilet and emptied his stomach. That wretched mud blood was bad for his body.

Myrtle was laughing through the flush of the toilet.

"Tell me!" He growled, his voice hoarse from vomiting.

He was beginning to regret taking advice from paintings. He would have to remember to never, ever, ever do it again. But he'd been so shaken and exposed from the encounter with Hermione, he would do anything he could to stop it from happening again. He was vulnerable! And those blasted paintings took advantage of him! Blasted paintings told him Myrtle knew the secrets of this truly despicable day. She can stop it, they said.

Draco growled, and his throat burned in protest.

Now he just wanted to cry.

"What is going on in here?" Oh great, Mudblood the Magnificent was here. Draco wasn't surprised, he was completely aware of Murphy's Law.

Myrtle giggled that horrible laugh and floated over to her. "So this is the one, eh Drakey?" Myrtle swirled around a very confused Hermione. "I'm much prettier than she is."

"Draco, what the hell are you doing in the ladies' loo?" Hermione didn't seem angry. Hmm.

"That's absolutely nobody's business. I'll be on my way." Draco paused for a moment, then added, "Oh, and if you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you."

Draco was almost out, unscathed, and deliriously happy about that, until-

"Death threats so soon? What happened to insulting my family or my bloodline first?" Hermione puckered her bottom lip tauntingly. "I'm beginning to feel neglected. You haven't found someone else, have you?"

Draco turned around, and Hermione was certain heaven didn't look as good as he did.

Hermione shook her head, blinked a few times, and tried again.

Well, now he looked like a Greek God descended to Earth.

"I'm going nutters…" Hermione said to herself, then noticed Draco hadn't replied to her rather inspired insult. She found herself getting a little upset, she'd spent a good couple of days thinking that one up.

Hermione didn't notice that he had suddenly become very, very close.

"Where have you been, Hermione?" He breathed, his voice not his own. He lifted one hand to the side of her face, but didn't touch her, as though he was afraid to.

"I… I've been here?" She croaked, wondering why her Greek God was acting so weird.

"You should be with me." He stated, and leaned his face closer to hers. Now both of his hands were near her cheeks, and she was sure she was blushing hard enough for him to feel the heat.

But she couldn't shake him off. Ever since he turned around his face was kind of sparkly, and his scent pulled her toward him like some kind of primal magnet. Her eyes were immediately lost in his, and she let it happen. Honestly, how often does a feeling like this come along?

"Ok." She whispered, as his lips crashed onto hers. His hands finally made it to her face, and he caressed her cheeks like she knew he would. If only he would caress her-

"Whoa!!" She nearly screamed, and at the same time, Draco choked on the breath he was taking in.

"Get get get get" She stuttered, but couldn't make it happen.

Draco just kept choking.

It didn't look like he was going to argue, so Hermione stormed out of the bathroom as quickly as she could without it looking obvious when she reached the hallway. People were pretty accustomed to folks running _in_ to the bathroom, not out. And the less attention at this point, the better.

She was pretty anxious to tell people about her budding romance with the smooching Greek God, and she hated feeling that way. Her plan was to look herself in her room, and sweat out the insanity. It could work.

Blaise Zabini sighed as he entered his distressed friend's dorm.

He was a reasonable man.

He also thought himself quite fair, and honorable.

So when he called Draco a raving lunatic, he felt like it was an accurate depiction. He couldn't understand why Draco was so miffed. Was he on his period or something?

"Blaise just sit down and shut up for two seconds." Draco relaxed when Blaise did so. "I need to ask you a question."

"I'm not sleeping next to you tonight." Honestly.

"That's- that's beyond disgusting Blaise." Draco paled immediately. "The _sleepover_. Blaise you HAVE to help me! Get me out of here, kill me, do whatever you have to do."

He just gave him permission to take his life. That sounded like flirting to Blaise. Maybe the poor bastard is batting for the wrong team. He responded in the most appropriate way he could think of.

"How would you like to die?"

The picture that popped up in Draco's head made him blush for quite possibly the first time in his life. The tent in his pants were a dead giveaway.

"Stupid mud blood…" He muttered as he stalked to the Slytherin shower. He could have sworn he saw Snape in front of a mirror attempting to remove blueberry muffin from his ears.

This was getting ridiculous

Hermione screamed loud and hard into her pillow. When she was done screaming, she'd decided not to breathe back in, and hoped the pillow would make the asphyxiation look like it was an accident.

"I am totally here for you Hermione." Said a voice outside the realm of her pillow. She pretended she couldn't hear. "And because I've taken time out of my life to help you, you need to cooperate."

Hermione still wouldn't inhale.

Ginny Weasley calmly walked to the side of Hermione's bed, and shoved her -hard- onto the floor. Hermione landed coughing and sputtering, but breathing. Breathing was key.

"Uughh!" Hermione cried, throwing her hands over her face.

Ginny grinned. She could speak Oaf, thanks to Ron. "Who is he?" Ginny actually squealed. "You are more sexually frustrated than Neville, good lord Hermione! What _happened _to you?"

Hermione decided that crying would be the best thing to do. Maybe then telling her best friend that she wanted to shag Malfoy senseless wouldn't be so bad. Because Hermione needed help, and she needed it from someone… experienced.

Since the bloody wench wouldn't just let her _die_, anyway.

"I was minding my own business sob and it was good cause of the bacon sniff then chocolate hit me and Malfoy kissed me in the bathroom." Hermione let out a wail. "And he looked _delicious_ Ginny and I hate him!"

Ginny's grin spread from ear to ear.

"Get up. We're going to my room."

Harry was irritated.

Ron's sentences had consisted of nothing but "Normal, normal." and the more simple: "Hi."

"Who did this to you?!" Harry screamed at him.

"Hi." Ron smiled.

"Dammit!" Frustrated, Harry went back to his Quidditch magazine. He wanted to talk to Ron about how weird his sister was being, about all the strange noises coming from her room, and about, well, Quidditch.

But Ron's recent bought of retardation was rather stopping conversation.

He tried to settle for reenacting everything he did to Ginny last night, and what she was wearing… and those delicious lips of hers… Then there was a loud thump just next to him.

Ron fainted.

Alarmed, Harry looked up to see what happened.

He fainted too.


	4. Chapter 4

Ginny ran after her escaped captive.

"Hermione come back here! I'm not done with you!" Knowing full well that she was. And oh, what a beautiful creation she had made.

Hermione had bolted from Ginny's room and ran full speed into the common room, with Ginny hot on her heels.

Both were wearing lingerie.

Ginny was trying to show her bra and panty matching theory, what went and did not, so that Hermione wouldn't make a dreadful mistake when taking her prey. Or Malfoy. Whatever.

Hermione had endured the make-up, and the hair products, but the waxing is where she drew the line.

"Get away from me you monster!" Hermione yelled back, and continued to run. Ginny decided it was time to let her student go, so she gave up the chase.

"You look fantastic Hermione! Go get him!" Ginny called as she stopped running. She waved cheerfully and started back up the steps, quite pleased with her work.

It was then she noticed her boyfriend and her brother passed out on the floor next to her.

She shrugged, and left.

After tireless searching, Draco Malfoy found what he was looking for.

"Tell me what you did old man!"

Dumbledore twinkled his stupid little eye at him. One well placed hex and he could-

"Good afternoon Draco. Having a good day off?" Dumbledore smiled.

"NO!" Draco snarled, knowing full well that there was serious detention in his future. Just as long as there wasn't any Hermione in it, he would do what it took.

"Whatever is the matter? Are you unhappy the post hasn't come yet? It should be here shortly."

Draco opened his mouth to scream more obscenities when -

"Albus!" Shrieked McGonagall. Draco swirled around and took a good look at the teacher. She was more furious than he could remember her ever being, ever. "Do NOT run from me you conniving old bat!"

Draco swirled around again to find Dumbledore's retreating form turning around a corner. McGonagall bumped into Draco as she ran after him.

"Excuse me, young man. I need to kill our Headmaster."

"Of course." Draco responded, happy that someone in this bloody school was talking sense!

Just a moment later he was bombarded by mail, most of which was pink.

It was this way the Hermione found our unsuspecting Draco, and she wasted no time in digging through the multitudes of valentines to find him.

"YOU!" She screamed, as though no other explanation was needed.

"Me?!" He indicated toward her questionable outfit. "YOU!"

"Oh yeah? Well what are you going to do about it?" She challenged.

Draco thanked his lucky stars there was a broom closet nearby. He grabbed her by the wrist and nearly threw her inside without another word.

She was mad, turned on, and scantily dressed.

They'd just have to discuss the implications of shagging each other senseless afterward.

Ron's color was returning to normal, and his sentences were gradually becoming more and more intelligible. Harry was impressed he was able to read the couple valentines he'd received.

Harry was a little disappointed with his own. He'd gotten one from Ginny, of course. And that was it. Even _Ron_ had a couple of adoring 4th years. And Harry? Nothing.

He resisted the urge to pout.

"You know, I heard Ginny threatening a couple girls outside the Fat Lady… could be why you came up dry, mate." Ron said as he munched on some chocolate.

Ah. Yes, that would do it, wouldn't it?

"I guess I'll have to live through you then. Who'd you get this year?" Harry reached over to help Ron with the candy.

"A couple third years, a few fourth and fifth… apparently one of them slipped me a love potion." Ron snorted. "Couldn't have been very good, I didn't notice a thing!"

Harry reddened, but resumed eating his chocolate.

Hermione decided to walk back into the common room at that point, and Harry wondered just how much Ron could remember. They'd awaken from their dead faint, and afterward Ron seemed perfectly normal. He blanched at the thought of Ron losing his marbles again thanks to Hermione's questionable wardrobe today.

Hermione was _beaming_, and she was wearing a Slytherin robe, to boot.

Harry considered the robe the lesser of two evils.

"Ron! Are you quite normal?" Hermione smiled further when he didn't immediately reply. "You've had a big day, did you know you'd been slipped a love potion?"

"Um, yeah." Ron furrowed his eyebrows. "How'd you know?"

Hermione started to reply, and then stopped. With a look toward Harry which clearly stated "he's all yours" Hermione shrugged and went upstairs.

Hey!

"Hermione, wait! What are you doing in a Slytherin robe?" Harry called, but to no avail. That wasn't fair! How did she get out of that one?!

Harry groaned and looked back toward Ron, who by now was quite interested in his "day".

"Well, this morning, you see…"

Draco was extremely dissatisfied.

The sex was good! It was great, actually. But the thing was, he wanted _more_. And she just got up and waltzed out, with a huge smile plastered across her face. That wasn't the way this was supposed to go! HE was the one to leave, while the girl begged for more. This was preposterous!

His mind remembered the way she looked, her sweet kisses, her loving caress… his body responded. Draco was standing outside of his broom closet seething.

"There's no cure." Said an extremely unhappy voice behind him.

Draco didn't have to turn around to know it was Professor Snape, who was exiting his own broom closet. He was alone, poor guy.

"What?" Draco's voice cracked embarrassingly.

"You'll just have to let this run through your system. The effects should wear off by tomorrow… but until then…" Snape heaved a very heavy sigh.

"What the bloody hell is running through my system, exactly?" Draco was suddenly unsure he wanted to have this particular conversation with his godfather.

"It's the bacon. How much did you have, boy?" Snape looked over to find Draco completely white.

How much did he have? Good lord, it was bacon day! He had as much as he could stuff into his face! He ate it with class, of course, but he'd probably had a whole pig's worth.

"A lot." He mumbled, not liking where this was going.

"Dumbledore," Snape spat, disliking the taste of the old man's name on his tongue, "likes to pull a little prank from time to time. I guess he gets bored. I don't know. He charms the bacon on Valentine's Day to cause the eater to fall for the first person they think about." Snape growled. "Like Valentine's Day isn't complicated enough, he proposes a sleepover! He must want baby wizards crawling the place next year that senile old codger! And letting the staff eat the bacon! Unheard of! I've been after Professor Sprout all day because she had the misfortune of providing me with potion ingredients this morning!"

Draco had completely stopped listening.

Had Hermione been his first thought? And he had been hers?

His heart lifted in a way he wasn't sure was possible before, and he wasn't sure he liked it. Snape caught the look on his face.

"You had a whole hell of a lot of bacon, didn't you?"

Draco nodded, dazed.

"You poor child."

"So, you felt nothing different today? No anxiety, no…" Hermione wanted to say sexual frustration. "weirdness, at all?"

Lavender shook her head delicately. "No, not today."

"I felt something weird." Ginny offered. "But it stopped after a while." And her face became a tomato. Ginny's blush made Hermione blush.

"AHA! Yes, Ginny, please tell me what happened."

Hermione completely snubbed Lavender, who left in a huff. Who did that square bint think she was, anyway? Asking ridiculous questions. She needs a man, Lavender thought.

"Um, well…" Ginny couldn't get more red, so she just looked down.

"Ginny I have reason to believe something is going around the school today. I don't know what, or why, or who it chose, but I'm going to find out. Please, tell me what you know." Hermione's pleading caused the girl to cave.

"Oh alright. This morning was fine, just like any other morning…" Again, she trailed off, blushing furiously.

"Please spare me those details." Hermione tried her best to suppress those images.

"But then, Harry's face popped up in my head, and it wouldn't leave! I mean, I think about him constantly, but honestly! It was like… magnetism or something!" Ginny shook her head. "When I…approached… Harry about it, it seemed like he felt the same way. More than usual… anyway."

"And after you… approached… Harry, you felt better? The anxiety was gone?" Hermione grew a little more nervous.

"No… not really. It's a little more bearable, I think, but not completely gone. So are you going to tell me if you shagged Malfoy senseless or what?"

Hermione was blindsided. "I beg your pardon?"

"Are you kidding me? I get you all dressed up, matching and everything, and set you loose on the poor unsuspecting bloke. Don't tell me you didn't!"

Hermione blushed. "I won't, then."

Ginny gave her a high-five.


	5. Chapter 5

The students filed into the Great Hall, chattering wildly about the Valentine's they received. Everyone was holding hands, and kissing, and whatnot.

Hermione was not impressed.

Not only did she just _give_ herself to the Prince of Slytherin, she wanted more. She'd nearly run out of the broom closet out of sheer terror. The rumors about Draco's feelings toward mud bloods were better than common knowledge, and she'd always imagined him as the sort to… clean up his messes, as it were.

Kill her, basically.

And go about his life like this lapse in judgment never happened.

"Granger!" Came a truly delectable voice from just behind her.

Harry and Ginny were nearby, but they were sucking face, and didn't bother to notice Draco Malfoy walking toward Hermione looking rather furious.

Her heart sank to her stomach, and she physically froze.

Draco noticed. "What the hell is wrong Granger? You rip my trousers off one second, then freeze the next?"

Hermione opened her mouth to say "yeah, so?" but decided it was an incredibly lame comeback.

"I need to talk to you. I've found out the… problem." Draco's eyes drifted downward to Hermione's breasts, and decided they rather liked the view.

"You're not going to kill me, are you?" Hermione finally managed to choke out.

Draco took one look at her helpless face, her slightly parted lips, the rising flush in her cheeks, and decided this conversation needed to be held elsewhere. He grabbed her and dragged her away.

"Draco, this is the same broom closet!"

At the request of Her Highness, Draco picked up and carried Hermione to his quarters, reaching it in record time. He decided to explain along the way, anticipating his mouth would be put to better use here shortly.

"So it… it was the bacon?" Hermione pondered this… it made so much sense.

"Yeah. Apparently it's Dumbledore's way of celebrating the holiday." Draco growled. "It's bollocks enough without his help."

"Here here." Hermione agreed, taking the time to start unbuttoning Draco's pants.

Draco descended down into the dungeons, and into his room. By the time he got there, his shirt was completely unbuttoned.

Hermione looked at him with the kind of fire he'd like to get burned by for the rest of his life. That didn't scare him as much as it probably should have.

"How long do the effects last?" She asked smolderingly, as though she should have been saying "help me out of these darned clothes".

"How much bacon…" he struggled to release this throbbing erection from his boxers. "did you eat this morning?"

This made Hermione stop a second.

"Oh, oh I had quite a bit…" Hermione looked up after a moment's thought.

Draco smiled like a kid at Christmas.

"So…" Ron was sitting cross-legged with his friends in their own corner of the great hall. They, like everyone else in the structure, were playing spin the bottle. "Does anyone know where Hermione went?"

Lavender reached out and spun the bottle.

"Nope, but I sure hope she's okay. I saw her leaving with Draco earlier. Rather, Draco grabbed her and walked away."

The bottle slowed only to point at herself. She sighed, and tried again.

Ron and Harry said "What?!"

Ginny snorted. "She'll be fine. I'm sure they're discussing something important. When was the last time Draco wanted _anything_ from Hermione?"

The bottle slowed, and pointed to Ginny. Lavender got up, walked over, and proceeded to conquer territories Harry had only glimpsed from a distance.

Ginny looked quite pleased.

Parvati kept talking like that wasn't actually going on. "D'you reckon we should go looking for her? I don't think Dumbledore will let us leave."

Ron was trying very hard to ignore the sucking noises. "We should still give it a shot. Hermione might be in danger."

Lavender released Ginny and walked back to her seat, wiping her mouth with her hand. "I think Hermione can take care of herself, right? She's a very capable witch." She said as she sat down cross-legged.

"No, YOU are a very capable witch." Ginny replied.

Harry, for the second time that day, proceeded to pass out.

Hermione lay exhausted on the Prince of Slytherin's ruined sheets, with one leg wrapped around his, and the other dangling haphazardly off the bed. It felt good.

"Do you think we've…run out of bacon juice?" Hermione faltered. No one spoke clearly after amazing sex. He shouldn't hold it to her.

"I don't know." He replied, looking just as ragged as she. He wasn't sure where his left arm was, at the moment, and was distracted looking for it.

"So, tomorrow…" Hermione started, earning a frown from Draco. "We're going to act like this didn't happen, right?"

"Absolutely. You are filth." He pulled his arm out from underneath a couple pillows and Hermione's neck. "Found it!"

"Congratulations…" Hermione muttered, rolling her eyes. She swung her leg up from the side of the bed and turned onto her side, facing away from Draco. She wasn't fully recovered, but she needed to leave soon. The Slimy Bastard sickness Draco has contracted might be contagious, and sex was exposure enough.

"Was I your first time?"

Hermione suddenly realized that she hadn't considered that the whole day. The effects of the bacon caused her to completely forget about the fact that she didn't know what she was doing. Well, she reasoned, what a way to lose it!

"Yeah." She didn't want to let him think it affected her.

She heard him mumble something under his breath, and a cool, humming sensation surged through her stomach, and down to her abdomen.

"What was that?" Hermione flipped around to watch him put his wand away.

"Just in case." Was all he offered as an explanation, and she understood immediately.

"Oh. Right." That was something else she hadn't thought about. NOT getting pregnant. She looked back at him, and noticed he had a strange expression on his face. It was somewhere between sadness, anxiety, and constipation.

"Your bacon juice just ran out, didn't it?"

"Yep."

And with that, Hermione fled the room, not wanting to find out what Normal!Draco would do to her after completely regaining his senses.

Then suddenly, just as it started, the whole ordeal was over.

She supposed there were probably worse situations to ever be in, like an epic battle against Voldemort, or double History of Magic, but this was definitely something to remember. At least, this is what she was thinking before asking Harry to Obliviate her to erase the last 24 hours so she would never, ever, have to think about it again.

With a beautiful, newly oblivious smile, Hermione walked out of the common room.

END! Woot!


End file.
